This gets you from the first quiet conversation to a record of what happened, the bully shut out, the platform and school looped in, and the right people called if it has crossed a line.

1. Stay calm and listen

When your child opens up, the most useful thing you can do is keep your face and voice steady, even if you are alarmed inside. Ask open questions like "what's been going on?" rather than "is someone bullying you?", because open questions get you the real story instead of a yes or no. Hold back the urge to fix it instantly or to say "why didn't you tell me sooner", and actually say the words "thank you for telling me, I'm really glad you did." Why this matters: your calm is what keeps them coming back. If telling you triggers panic or fury, they will think twice before telling you next time, and the next thing may be bigger.

2. Save the evidence

Before anything gets deleted, capture it. On most phones you screenshot by pressing the side button and the volume-up button together (iPhone) or the power and volume-down buttons together (Android). Grab the messages, posts, comments, usernames and dates, and include the screen that shows who sent it. Then move those images somewhere private that your child will not have to keep looking at, like a folder on your own phone or an email to yourself. Why this matters: a single mean message is hard to act on, but a saved record of repeated behaviour is exactly what the platform, the school or the police will need to do anything about it.

3. Block, do not retaliate

Once the evidence is safe, have your child block, unfollow or unfriend the person rather than fire back. Say it plainly: do not reply, do not hit back, and do not rally friends to pile on. On most apps you block from the other person's profile, usually behind the three dots or a gear icon near their name, where you will see Block, and often Restrict or Mute as gentler options. Why this matters: replying or retaliating spreads it, drags more people in, and almost always makes things worse, while blocking simply closes the door.

4. Report it on the platform

If the content breaks the app's rules, report it from inside the app. Tap the three dots, the flag, or the report option on the specific message, post or comment, choose the reason such as bullying or harassment, and send it. Do this on each piece of content, not just once, so the platform sees the pattern. If you cannot find the buttons, every major app keeps step-by-step reporting instructions in its help centre, and online-safety charities publish plain walk-throughs for the popular ones. While you are in the settings, set the account to private, swap a real name and photo for a nickname and an avatar like a pet or a band rather than their face, and accept only people they know offline.

5. Tell the school

If the bully is a pupil at your child's school, contact the school first, even when the bullying happened online and out of hours. Ask to speak to pastoral staff or whoever handles wellbeing, mention that the school's anti-bullying policy covers this, and offer the evidence you saved. Most schools can act on online bullying between their pupils, but they genuinely cannot help with something they do not know about, so the call is the thing that starts it. Keep it factual: who, what, when, and how it has affected your child.

6. Escalate when it crosses a line

Some things go beyond what a block and a report can settle. Treat it as a matter for the police, and report it, if the bullying involves sexual or nude images, threats of harm, content that targets your child's ethnicity, disability or sexuality, anything pushing them toward self-harm, or harassment that has built up over time. If your child is in immediate danger, call your local emergency number; otherwise use your country's police non-emergency line, and see the Get help page for your country for the right reporting service and support lines. If a nude or sexual image of your under-18 is involved, you can also use Take It Down (takeitdown.ncmec.org) or, for older teens and adults, StopNCII (stopncii.org) to help get it removed from participating platforms.

Through all of this, leave the phone where it is unless your child actually wants it gone. Taking the device away tends to backfire: it makes children feel more cut off and quietly teaches them that telling you about a problem gets their lifeline confiscated. And once things are calm, look after how they are feeling, not just the incident itself; remind them they can reach a free children's helpline any time, even if they insist they are fine.

This gets you a screen-time routine your child actually helped build, plus the built-in tools switched on so you are not arguing over minutes every evening.

1. Agree the limits together

Pick a calm moment, not the middle of a row about the iPad, and sit down with your child to decide three things: how long per day, what times of day are fine, and which apps. Make it a real conversation. Ask "what feels fair to you?" and "when do you most want to be on it?" before you say what you think. Children stick to limits far better when they helped set them, so you are aiming for an agreement, not a sentence handed down. Write down what you land on so nobody re-litigates it tomorrow. Why this matters: a limit your child chose is one they defend, while a limit you imposed is one they quietly try to game.

2. Keep mornings and meals screen-free

Agree two protected zones up front: no devices at the table during meals, and homework done with the phone out of the room rather than face-down next to the books. Out of sight does half the work for you, so when a device is not in use, park it in another room rather than in a pocket. A simple line that helps: "phones live in the kitchen, not at the dinner table." You do not need to police every second, just keep these two windows genuinely device-free so the day has some screen-free shape to it.

3. Build in breaks and a mix

Aim for a rough rhythm of 20 to 30 minutes of screen use, then a short active break: standing up, a stretch, getting a drink, a quick chat. Make sure there is at least one proper chance to move every day. While you are at it, nudge the mix of what those minutes are spent on. An hour building something in a game, video-calling a cousin, or following a tutorial is a very different hour from endless scrolling. If the day is wall-to-wall passive watching, steer some creative, social or learning use into it on purpose. You are after a balanced diet across the week, not a perfect daily total.

4. Move screens out of the bedroom at night

Set a rule that phones and tablets charge outside the bedroom overnight, ideally in the kitchen or hallway on a shared charger. This protects sleep more than almost anything else you can do, and it removes the 1am scroll without you having to stand guard. Frame it as something the whole house does, adults included, so it does not feel like a punishment aimed only at them. If a child says they need the phone as an alarm, a cheap clock for a couple of pounds solves that and removes the excuse.

5. Write it into a family agreement

Fill in a free family agreement template together, the kind online-safety charities publish, and put the limits, the screen-free zones and the bedroom rule on it in plain words. Add a line on what happens when something goes wrong, so it covers more than just minutes. Stick it somewhere the devices actually live, like the kitchen, so it stays visible rather than mentioned once and forgotten. Having it on paper means the rule is settled, and "but we agreed this" carries more weight than a memory of a chat. Revisit it as they grow: what fits a nine-year-old will frustrate a fourteen-year-old, and with teens it works better to hand them the controls and let them run their own time while you check in now and then.

6. Let the built-in tools do the nagging

Switch on the device and app tools so the timers, not you, enforce what you agreed. On an iPhone or iPad, open Settings, then Screen Time, and set Downtime, App Limits and a passcode your child does not know. On Android, use Google Family Link to set screen-time limits, app limits and a bedtime, with Android Digital Wellbeing for the usage dashboard and timers. Across Windows and Xbox, use Microsoft Family Safety. Inside the apps themselves, TikTok Family Pairing lets you set time limits and link your account to theirs, and Instagram has a "Your Activity" section to see and manage time spent. With older teens, show them these dashboards and let them set their own limits, paired with a plain chat about how endless feeds and autoplay are designed to hook them on purpose, so that struggling to put the phone down reads as the design working, not a personal failing.

If the balance has already tipped, you do not need to tear it all up. Watch for stacking signs like poor sleep traced to late-night use, anxiety when the device is not to hand, dropping physical activity, or pulling back from seeing friends face to face. If a few of those are piling up, go back to the rhythm above, rebuild it together rather than cracking down, and lean on the tools above to carry the load. If your child seems genuinely low or anxious about it, talk to your doctor or a confidential counselling service, and see the Get help page for your country for support where you live.

This closes the easy openings a groomer relies on, and gives you the exact first moves if you are worried right now.

1. Set every account private

Go through their apps one at a time, sitting beside them rather than doing it behind their back. In Instagram, open Settings and privacy, then Account privacy, and turn on Private account. In TikTok, set up Family Pairing and switch the account to Private under Privacy. In Snapchat, set Contact Me and See My Location (Ghost Mode) so only added friends can reach them. In games, open the chat and privacy settings: Roblox has Account Restrictions and contact controls, and on consoles use Xbox Family Settings, PlayStation parental controls or Nintendo Switch Parental Controls to limit who can message your child. The goal is simple: only people they know offline can message them. Doing it together means they learn what each toggle actually does.

2. Strip out identifying details

Now clear out anything that tells a stranger who and where your child is. Edit each bio and remove their full name, age, gender, phone number, home address, school name, team or club, and any photo that shows a uniform, a street sign or the front of the house. Turn off location sharing and remove location tags from posts. Then go through their followers and contacts and unfriend or remove anyone they only know online. Why this matters: groomers do not need one big leak. A school name plus a team plus a regular hangout is enough to feel like a real friend who already knows them.

3. Stay calm and reassure first

If your child tells you something is wrong, the first thirty seconds decide whether they keep talking. Lead with the actual words: "I'm really glad you told me. You're not in trouble." Keep your voice steady even if you are frightened inside, and do not grab the phone or start firing questions. A child caught up in this has not been careless, and a groomer's whole method is built to make the child feel they will be blamed. Your calm is what keeps the door open, and an open door is worth more than any setting.

4. Save the evidence

Before you block or delete anything, preserve the proof. Screenshot the messages, the username or profile, the profile photo, and any links or images they sent. Note the app it happened on and roughly when. Save it all somewhere private that your child does not have to keep seeing, like a folder on your own phone. It is painful to keep upsetting messages, but the platform, a child-protection service or the police will need exactly this, and once you block the account it can become much harder to retrieve.

5. Block, then report the account

With the evidence saved, block or unfriend the person so they can no longer reach your child. Then report the account or the specific messages using the platform's own report tool, usually the three dots, a flag, or "Report" on the profile or the message. Facebook, Instagram, Snapchat, YouTube, TikTok and X all have this built in, and reporting the account is separate from blocking it, so do both. On games, use the in-game report and block buttons on the player's profile or in the chat menu.

6. Report it and get help

Reporting on the app is not the same as reporting the person, so take it further. Report it to your country's child-protection or report-abuse service, which goes straight to advisors who deal with this exact thing. See the Get help page for your country to find the right service. If your child is in immediate danger, call your local emergency number now; if it is serious but not urgent, use your country's police non-emergency line.

7. Handle sextortion differently: do not pay

If someone is threatening to share a private or nude image of your child unless they are paid, this is sextortion, and it needs its own plan. Do not pay, and do not send anything more, even if a payment has already been made, because paying simply invites more demands. Tell your child clearly: this is not your fault, it is a crime committed against you, and the blame sits entirely with the person doing it. Keep the evidence, then stop all contact and block the account. To get the image taken down, use Take It Down at takeitdown.ncmec.org, a free service that works internationally to help remove a nude or sexual image of an under-18 from participating platforms; StopNCII.org offers a similar service. Then report it through your country's service on the Get help page.

This walks you and your child through the same five-second check, so a made-up post gets caught before it spreads instead of after.

1. Read the whole thing

Stop at the headline or thumbnail and ask your child to scroll down and actually read the article, or watch the whole video, before believing a word of it. Headlines and thumbnails are written to shock and grab a tap, and they often don't match what the piece really says. A good line to drill in: "the headline is the bait, not the story." Get into the habit of doing this out loud together with one real post, so your child sees you slow down rather than just being told to.

2. Check who made it

Now ask two questions: who posted this, and why? Look at whether it's an ad, sponsored or paid content, whether it's pushing one side hard, and whether it seems built mainly to make you angry or scared (that is usually a sign it wants shares, not your trust). Then check a source you already trust: if it really happened, a well-known news outlet will be carrying the same story. If only one random account has it, that is a red flag. Why this matters: a high number of likes and shares only tells you something is shareable, not that it is true. The most outrageous posts spread fastest precisely because they are designed to.

3. Look it up on a fact-checker

Type the main claim into a search box along with the word "fact check", or search it directly on a couple of well-known fact-checking sites you keep bookmarked. These exist to investigate exactly this kind of viral claim, and they will usually tell you plainly whether it is true, false, or twisted out of context. Doing this together a few times teaches your child that checking is normal and quick, not a chore. Keep two or three trusted checkers saved on the family device so nobody is hunting for them in the moment.

4. Reverse-image-search the photo

If a photo or screenshot looks off, find out where it really came from. On a phone, open the Google app or Google Search, tap the camera icon (Google Lens) and point it at or upload the picture. It will show you everywhere that image has appeared, which often reveals it is old, from a completely different event, or edited. Do this once together so the trick stops feeling like magic. Be aware that AI now makes very convincing fake photos, cloned voices and deepfake videos, so "it looks real" is no longer proof it is real. For video, watch for unnatural movements, audio that drifts or doesn't quite match the lips, and backgrounds that shift.

5. Wait a few days before sharing

Teach the shorthand "Read it, Check it, Wait." If something still feels worth sharing after steps one to four, sit on it for a few days anyway rather than firing it straight on. A short pause is the single cheapest way to avoid spreading something false, because most fakes get debunked quickly once they take off. There is no prize for being first, and there is real embarrassment in being the person who passed on a hoax to the whole group chat.

6. Report it, don't reply

If you have confirmed something is false or misleading, flag it on the platform instead of arguing in the comments (replies just push it higher in the feed). On Instagram report the post as "false information", on TikTok report it as "harmful misinformation", and on YouTube choose "misinformation" when you report. If a post is doing real harm, for example a scam, a threat, or content that has genuinely upset your child, report it and see the Get help page for your country to find the right service where you live.

A last, gentle point. If your child shares something fake before they have learned this, keep it kind. Fact-check it together, work out the tell you both missed, and nudge them to go back and tell whoever they sent it to. A child who is terrified of being told off just hides the next slip, so treat a mistake as a chance to talk, not a chance to lecture.

This gives you the few rules that stop most scams before any money or password leaves the house, plus exactly what to do in order if one slips through.

1. Run the gut-check

Teach your child one reflex to run on any offer: if it is free money, or it pressures them to act right now, or it asks for a login or personal details, it is bait. Stop there. Free V-Bucks or Robux, a "rare skin" giveaway, a stranger offering to pay them for content, a "you have won" message: the offer itself is the trick, every time. Say it out loud together so it becomes automatic: "free stuff for nothing, or rushing me, means scam." Why this matters: scammers lean on excitement and panic precisely because both stop a child thinking, so naming the feeling is half the defence.

2. Verify before clicking or trusting

Make the rule "never click links in messages." Instead, open a fresh browser tab and type the real web address in by hand. Scammers copy real sites with tiny tweaks to the address, so check it slowly, make sure it starts with https, and look for the little padlock before typing anything in. The same goes for a familiar face: if a friend, relative, or even a celebrity suddenly asks for money or a login, the account may be hacked or cloned, so have your child reach that person another way (a phone call, or a message on a different app) before doing anything. Useful comparisons to share: "Would you climb into a stranger's van? Then why click a link from someone you do not know?"

3. Change the password now

If a scam got through, reset the password on the affected account straight away. While you are in the security settings, choose "log out of all devices" (most apps have this) so you boot the scammer off too. Then change that same password anywhere else it was reused, because reuse is how one stolen login becomes five. Turn on two-factor authentication on the important accounts while you are there, and a password manager makes the next reset far easier by giving every account its own strong password.

4. Secure the money

If money or card details were handed over, call the bank or card company without waiting. Ask them to freeze the account or card, dispute any charges you do not recognise, and send out a new card if the number is exposed. Banks deal with this every day, so you will not be the first to ring. If your child paid through an app store or a gaming wallet, check that platform's purchase history and refund options too.

5. Report it

Use the platform's own report and block tools on the message or account first (usually a flag, three dots, or a gear icon near the username). For scam texts, you can usually forward them to your phone provider or your country's spam-reporting service, which is normally free and helps the networks shut the scam down. Then report the scam to your country's fraud or cyber-crime reporting service. Find the right place to report for where you live on the Get help page.

If this is sextortion, where someone threatens to share a nude or private image unless they are paid, handle it differently: do not pay, because paying rarely makes it stop and usually invites more demands. Do not delete the evidence. Report it to your country's child-protection or report-abuse service so it reaches specialists, and use Take It Down (takeitdown.ncmec.org), a free service that works internationally to help get a nude or sexual image of an under-18 taken offline. StopNCII (stopncii.org) does the same for over-18s. See the Get help page for the reporting service in your country.

6. Stay warm with your child

Lead with "this is not your fault." Treat it as something to learn from together, not a telling-off, then check in afterwards on how they are actually feeling, especially with sextortion where the whole point is to make them ashamed and silent. Make it clear, in plain words, that you are the person they come to next time. A child who is scared of being in trouble hides the next scam until it is far worse. It helps to say something true and simple: the people who run these cons are good at it, so getting caught does not make you stupid, it makes you human. The skill is just to slow down, check, and tell someone. If they would rather talk to someone outside the family, a free children's helpline or a confidential counselling service is there too, both listed on the Get help page.

This gets a few solid barriers stacked up across your whole house in a single evening, then gives you the words to use if your child sees something anyway.

1. Turn on broadband family filters

Sign in to your internet provider's account, on their website or app, and look for the section called "family filters", "parental controls" or "content controls", then switch it on. Most providers offer this free, and the big win is that one toggle covers every device on your home WiFi at once, including a friend's phone that joins your network. Why this matters: filters set on a single phone or tablet do nothing the moment your child picks up a different device, so the network-level switch is the one that does the most work for the least effort.

2. Switch on SafeSearch

In Google, go to google.com, open Settings (the gear or the menu), find "SafeSearch" and set it to "Filter". In Bing, open Settings then "SafeSearch" and choose "Strict". These keep explicit results out of ordinary searches, which matters because most children meet adult material by accident, through an innocent search that throws back something nasty, not by going looking. For younger children, go one step further and point them at a child-friendly search engine built specifically for kids, and set it as the homepage on their device so it is the default.

3. Set device and app controls

Add a layer on each device. On iPhone and iPad open Settings then Screen Time and turn on Content and Privacy Restrictions to filter and block adult content. On Android use Google Family Link. Across Windows and the Xbox use Microsoft Family Safety. Then go into the apps your child actually lives in: TikTok Family Pairing lets you link your account to theirs, and with younger children swap regular YouTube for YouTube Kids. Instagram and Facebook have their own controls too. Each of these takes only a few minutes once you know where to look.

4. Move screens out of the bedroom

Keep phones, tablets and consoles charging and living in a shared family space rather than behind a closed bedroom door. Unsupervised access in the bedroom is where a lot of explicit content slips through, and a shared space makes it far easier to notice when a child has stumbled onto something upsetting. You do not have to make this a punishment; frame it as a house habit that applies to everyone, including you.

5. Stay calm if they see something

If your child tells you they have seen something, take a breath before you say a single word. A panicked or furious reaction teaches a child to handle the next one entirely on their own. Ask open questions to gently work out whether they stumbled on it by accident or went looking, since the two need slightly different responses. Say plainly, in these words: "You are not in trouble for telling me." That sentence is what keeps the door open. Keep your answers factual and age-appropriate, and treat the whole subject as a thread you keep picking up over time, not one big awkward sit-down. If they would open up more easily to someone who is not you, point them toward a free children's helpline or a confidential counselling service (find yours on the Get help page for your country).

6. Loop in school and report it

If another pupil shared the content or your child saw it on school premises, tell the school so they can act. To take content down, use the platform's own flag or report tool first. For child sexual abuse images or video, report it to a national service for reporting such material, and see the Get help page for your country; Take It Down (takeitdown.ncmec.org) works internationally to help get a nude or sexual image of an under-18 removed, and StopNCII (stopncii.org) does the same for over-18s. For hate, terrorist or extremist content, report it through your country's service for illegal content. If an adult has behaved sexually toward your child, contact your country's child-protection or report-abuse service, and call your local emergency number if your child is in immediate danger.

This gets you through two things: talking about self-sexualising posts in a way that keeps your child talking to you, and knowing exactly what to do if a private image has already got out.

1. Open it with curiosity, not control

Pick a calm, low-pressure moment, sitting in the car or doing something side by side rather than a head-on "we need to talk." Keep your face and voice level, and skip the instant ban or lecture, because the first reaction they see is what decides whether they ever bring you the next thing. Ask two real questions and then listen: "Who is this post for?" and "How do you feel after you've posted it?" You are not trying to win the conversation, you are trying to understand what the post is doing for them, whether that is attention, fitting in, or feeling good about how they look. Why this matters: a child who feels judged goes quiet and takes it somewhere you cannot see.

2. Say they are not in trouble

Say it plainly and early: "You are not in trouble, and you can bring me anything, even the stuff you think I will be cross about." Mean it, and then prove it by not punishing them for being honest. If your child believes that telling you costs them their phone or a row, the whole topic goes underground, which is the one outcome you cannot afford. You can disagree with a choice they made and still be the safe place they come to. Keep the door open with a line they can hold onto: "Whatever happens online, my job is to help you sort it out, not to make it worse."

3. Redirect toward off-screen worth

You are not arguing them out of how they feel, you are quietly widening where their sense of worth comes from. Over the following weeks, steadily point them at the things they are actually good at and the people who value far more than their looks: a sport, music, making things, a friend who makes them laugh, a club. Notice and name the non-appearance stuff out loud ("you were so patient helping your brother with that"). The aim is balance, so that likes on a photo stop being the main scoreboard. This is slow work, not a single chat, and it lands better as a pattern than as a speech.

4. If an image is out there, do not pay or panic

If a private or sexual image of your child has been shared, or someone is threatening to share one unless they are paid, your first job is your child's sense of safety. Say it clearly: "This is not your fault, this was done to you, and we will deal with it together." Then hold one firm rule: do not pay, and do not send anything more, even if some money has already gone. Paying a blackmailer rarely makes it stop and usually brings fresh demands, because the moment they see it works they ask again. Do not delete anything in a panic either, however much you both want it gone, because you will need it for the next step.

5. Get the image taken down

Before you block anyone, save the evidence: screenshot the messages, the usernames or profile links, and the account, and keep that record somewhere private your child does not have to keep looking at. Then use the free take-down tools built for exactly this. Take It Down (takeitdown.ncmec.org) works internationally to help remove a nude or sexual image of someone under 18 from participating platforms, and it works from a digital fingerprint of the image so you do not have to send the picture itself. For someone 18 or over, StopNCII (stopncii.org) does the same for intimate images. Also report the account and the content using the platform's own report and block tools, the flag or three-dots option near the post or username. Keep your record of what you reported and when.

6. Get help and act on danger

You do not have to carry this alone. To report it to the right people and find support, see the Get help page for your country, which lists your local child-protection or report-abuse service and the helplines for both you and your child. A confidential children's helpline or counselling service can support your child through the upset, and a parents' support line can talk you through what to do next. If a child is in immediate danger, call your local emergency number now. Two things to leave your child with: a safe person will never pressure them into sending an image, and nothing they have already done changes that you are on their side.

Set aside one quiet evening and you can find what is already public about your child, close the obvious gaps, and lock the accounts that matter. Do it side by side with your child if they are old enough, so they learn the why, not just the what.

1. Search your own child

Open two or three different search engines and type in your child's full name, then their usernames, then old details like a previous school or town, each in quotation marks. Click into the Images tab too, and scroll a few pages. Whatever a stranger can see, you want to see first. If an old photo or profile shows up that you cannot get rid of yourself, you can ask the search engine to remove results about a minor through its own "remove information" or "results about you" form. Why this matters: you cannot protect against exposure you have never actually looked at, and the search is what tells you where to start.

2. Delete dead accounts

Go through the phone or tablet's app list, the email inbox for old "welcome" and "your receipt" messages, and any saved logins in the browser. For every app or profile they no longer use, the game they played for two weeks, the forgotten forum, the abandoned social account, open it and use the "delete my account" option (usually under Settings, then Account or Privacy) rather than just deleting the app. Removing the app leaves the data sitting on the company's servers; deleting the account asks them to remove it. Every dormant account is one more place their data can leak from in a breach, so fewer accounts means a smaller target.

3. Go private, app by app

Open each app your child uses and work through its privacy menu together. Set the profile to Private or its maximum privacy so only people they know offline can see posts or message them. In the same menu, switch off anything the app does not truly need: location sharing and "precise location," public profile visibility, microphone and camera access, and ad personalisation or ad tracking. On the phone itself, go into the main Settings, then Privacy (iPhone) or Location and Permissions (Android), and turn off location for apps that have no reason to know where your child is. Doing this with them, not for them, means they will actually remember how the settings work.

4. Lock the logins

Install a password manager and let it generate a long, unique password for every important account, so nobody is reusing one password across ten places or trying to memorise twelve. Then switch on two-factor authentication (sometimes called two-step verification or 2FA) on the accounts that matter most: email first, because that is the master key that can reset all the others, then their main social and gaming accounts. You will usually find it under Settings, then Security. Choose an app-based code or a passkey over text-message codes where the app offers it, as those are harder to intercept.

5. Set controls and updates

Add device-level parental controls so this holds together: Apple Screen Time on iPhones and iPads, Google Family Link on Android, and Microsoft Family Safety across Windows and Xbox. Use them to limit who can contact your child and to require your approval before any spending goes through (look for "Ask to Buy" on Apple or "Purchase approval" on Google and Microsoft). While you are in there, set every device to install operating-system and app updates automatically, because updates are where security holes get patched, and an out-of-date phone is a soft target. Turn on a financial alert too, such as a text notification from the card behind any account, so an unexpected charge surfaces straight away.

6. Run the T-shirt test together

The settings hold the line, but judgement is what protects them when you are not there, and this is the conversation that sticks. Teach one simple test: before anything goes up, ask "Would you put this on a T-shirt and wear it through town? Would you be happy seeing it on a billboard by the school gates?" If the answer is no, it stays offline. Start with the obvious things, full name, home address, school, phone, email, but make the point that lands hardest, which is the small, harmless-looking stuff. The school name plus the football team plus the favourite playground is exactly what someone needs to piece together a real child in a real place for phishing or impersonation. And one for us before it is pointed only at them: before posting that next photo of your child, ask whether it is really yours to share. Their footprint started with us, so it is the easiest place to set a better example.

If something is already out there

If a private or sexual image of your under-18 has been shared or someone is threatening to share one, do not pay and do not panic. Use Take It Down (takeitdown.ncmec.org), which works internationally to help get a nude or sexual image of an under-18 removed from participating platforms, and StopNCII (stopncii.org) for intimate-image cases. Keep the evidence, screenshots and usernames, then report it, and see the Get help page for your country. If your child is in immediate danger, call your local emergency number.

This gets the chat, the spending and the playtime locked down across your child's console and games, and leaves the door open so they still come to you when something feels off. You can knock most of it out in under an hour with the console or phone already in your hand.

1. Set up the parent account

Create the main gaming account yourself, using an email you actually check, not one your child controls. On a console this is the parent or organiser account that everything else hangs off; on Xbox it is your Microsoft account, on PlayStation the family manager account, on Nintendo Switch the account linked to Nintendo Switch Parental Controls. While you are in the account settings, choose the safer privacy options and set the player profile to private rather than public, so strangers cannot browse who your child is or what they play. Then give each child their own separate profile. This matters because the age limits and chat rules then follow the individual kid, instead of everyone sharing one wide-open adult login where every restriction is off by default.

2. Turn on console controls

Open the parental or family settings on the console and limit who your child can talk to. On Xbox use Xbox Family Settings, on PlayStation use the family management menu, and on Nintendo Switch use the parental controls, all of which let you restrict voice and text chat to friends only, or switch it off entirely for younger players. Install the matching companion phone app at the same time (Xbox Family Settings app, PlayStation App, Nintendo Switch Parental Controls app) so you can adjust any of this from your own phone in real time, without taking the console off them. For a very young child playing on a tablet or phone, the simplest move is to switch on airplane mode so they stay completely offline while they play. Voice and public lobbies are the open door a stranger uses, so narrowing who can reach your child is the single most protective setting here.

3. Lock down spending

Block in-app purchases at the device level first: on an iPhone or iPad turn it off in Apple Screen Time under Content and Privacy Restrictions, and on Android use Google Family Link to require approval for purchases. For an older child who genuinely wants to buy the odd skin or battle pass, do not leave a credit or debit card linked to the account. Instead, top the account up with a refillable gift card for that store, and agree a clear budget as a real number you both stick to. Games are built to take money in small taps that do not feel like spending, loot boxes especially (you pay for a sealed box of random items and only find out what is inside after you have bought it), so a card sitting behind the account can run up a bill fast. The gift card caps the damage by design.

4. Set playtime limits together

Agree the playtime as a conversation, not a sentence: decide together how long a single session runs and how many sessions a day, then enter that into the platform's own screen-time limits so the controls do the enforcing and you are not the one nagging every time. Apple Screen Time, Google Family Link, Microsoft Family Safety (which also covers Xbox) and the Nintendo Switch parental controls all let you set daily caps and a bedtime cut-off. A reasonable anchor is a short break of around five minutes every 45 to 60 minutes. Limits a child helped set get followed; limits dropped on them get gamed, so let them have a real say in the numbers.

5. Check the age rating

Before you say yes to a new game, look it up in a game age-rating database and skim a few parent reviews of it while you are there. The official rating tells you about violence and language, but it is the parent reviews that tell you what the chat and the wider community are actually like, which is often the bigger risk in an online game. If your child is pushing hard for something rated well above their age, it is usually because their friends already have it; that is worth a calm chat rather than an automatic yes or no.

6. Practise report and block

Knowing the tools exist is not enough in the heat of the moment, so have your child show you they can find them. Sit with them and get them to actually open the report and block buttons inside their games and on the console: Fortnite, Roblox, Minecraft, Discord, Xbox, PlayStation and Nintendo all build reporting into the menus or into a player's profile. Practise it once together so it is muscle memory when a griefer or a creep turns up. If an adult contacts your child through a game and behaves sexually, or tries to move the chat onto a private app away from the game, that is a child-protection matter: report it, and see the Get help page for your country to reach the specialists who handle exactly this. Keeping the console in a shared family room, not behind a bedroom door, is what lets you overhear the tone and catch a problem early.

Open Instagram on your child's phone and sign in as them. Most of these settings live behind the profile picture in the bottom right, then the three lines (the menu) in the top right, then Settings and activity. Work through these in order with the app open.

A note before you start: if your child is registered as a teen, Instagram may have already switched some of these on through Teen Accounts (see step 2), and some may be locked unless you supervise the account or your child is old enough to change them. That is normal. If a toggle is greyed out or asks for a parent to approve, that is the protection working.

1. Make the account private

Go to Settings and activity > Account privacy and turn on Private account. On a private account, only approved followers can see your child's posts, reels, stories and followers list, and new people have to send a follow request that your child accepts or declines. This is the single most useful switch, so do it first. Teen Accounts are set to private by default, but it is worth confirming it is actually on.

2. Set up Teen Accounts and Family Center supervision

Teens are placed into Teen Accounts automatically, which bundles private-by-default, stricter messaging and content limits, and time reminders. To get visibility and a say as a parent, set up supervision through Family Center: on your own Instagram, go to Settings and activity > Supervision (also reachable at Family Center), tap Create invitation or scan your child's invite, and link the accounts. Once linked you can see who they follow and who follows them, set daily time limits, see how they have changed safety settings, and approve or deny changes to certain settings. The exact controls available depend on your child's age and your region, so check what shows up once you are linked.

3. Control who can message and add your child to group chats

Go to Settings and activity > Messages and story replies (sometimes shown under How others can interact with you > Messages). Set Message controls so that people who do not follow your child cannot start a chat, or so their messages land in a separate Message requests folder that has to be accepted first. Also look for the group chats option and set it so only people your child follows can add them to a group. For teen accounts, Instagram already blocks messages from adults the teen does not follow, but tightening this further is sensible.

4. Limit tags, mentions and who can see and reply to stories

Under Settings and activity > Tags and mentions, set Allow tags from and Allow mentions from to People you follow or No one, so strangers cannot attach your child's name to a post. Then under Settings and activity > Story (or How others can interact with you > Story), review Allow message replies and Hide story from specific people. While you are here, point your child to Close Friends: when they share a story to Close Friends only, just the hand-picked list they have built sees it, which is a safer way to share than posting to everyone.

5. Filter comments and hide offensive words

Go to Settings and activity > Hidden Words and turn on Hide comments and Hide message requests that may be offensive. You can also tick Advanced comment filtering and add your own list of words, phrases or emoji you want hidden automatically. In Settings and activity > Comments, you can set Allow comments from to People you follow or Your followers, and block specific accounts from commenting. This quietly removes a lot of nastiness before your child ever sees it.

6. Set sensitive content to the most limited option

Go to Settings and activity > Suggested content (look for Sensitive Content Control) and choose Less (sometimes labelled More limited). This reduces sensitive or borderline posts in places like Explore, Search and Reels. For teen accounts this stricter setting is usually applied for them and may be locked, which is fine. You can also use Not interested on individual suggested posts and Hide topics you do not want suggested.

7. Set screen-time limits and turn on Quiet Mode

Open Settings and activity > Time spent. Here you can set a Daily limit with a reminder when it is reached, set Reminders to take breaks, and turn on Quiet Mode for set hours (for example overnight and during school), which pauses notifications and auto-replies to messages so your child is not pulled back in. You can also tap Notifications from the main settings to mute pushes, or schedule them. If you have set up Family Center supervision, you can set and see daily time limits from your side too.

8. Know how to block and report

To block someone, open their profile, tap the three dots in the top right, and choose Block. Blocking also lets you block any new accounts that person tries to make. A gentler option is Restrict, on the same menu: a restricted person can still comment, but only your child sees their comments, and they cannot tell whether your child is online or has read their messages, which is useful for handling someone your child does not want to fully block. To report, use the three dots on a post, profile, comment or message and choose Report, then pick the reason. If you come across content that looks illegal, such as child sexual abuse material, report it through Instagram and see the Get help page for your country for where to report it to the authorities.

9. Check spending and in-app purchases

Instagram itself is mostly free, but money can leave through a few doors: gifts on reels and lives, subscriptions to creators, and shopping or ad links that open a store or browser. The real spending control sits in the phone, not in Instagram, so on the device turn on a purchase password or approval. On an iPhone this is under Screen Time > Content & Privacy Restrictions, and on Android it is under the Google Play Store > Settings > Authentication (require a password for purchases). That way nothing can be bought without you, regardless of which app prompts it.

One last habit worth more than any toggle: agree with your child that they will show you a message or come to you if anything online makes them uncomfortable, and react calmly when they do. Settings catch a lot, but a child who feels safe telling you is the strongest protection of all.

Open TikTok on your child's phone and sign in as them. Most of these settings live under their profile. Tap Profile (bottom right), then the menu lines (top right), then Settings and privacy. Work through the steps below in order. If a name looks slightly different on your screen, TikTok sometimes tests new wording or shows different options by age and region, so look for the closest match.

A quick note on age first. TikTok accounts for younger teens are automatically more locked down, and some settings below will already be on and greyed out if the account was registered with a young birthday. That is normal and a good sign. If the birthday on the account is wrong, that is worth fixing, because the protections depend on it.

1. Make the account private

In Settings and privacy, tap Privacy, then turn on Private account at the top. With a private account, your child approves followers one by one, and people they have not approved cannot see their videos, their likes, or their following list. For accounts registered to under-16s this is usually the default already, but check it is on. This is the single most important toggle here.

2. Set up Family Pairing from your own phone

Family Pairing is TikTok's official parental supervision tool. It links your TikTok account to your child's so you can manage their settings from your own phone. On your phone, go to Settings and privacy > Family Pairing, choose Parent, and scan the QR code shown on your child's app when you pick Teen there. Once linked, you can set the controls in the next steps remotely, and your child cannot quietly undo them. Keep your own account logged in and remembered so you do not lose the link.

3. Set daily screen time and a passcode

In Settings and privacy > Screen Time (or under Family Pairing once paired), set a Daily Screen Time limit and add a Screen Time passcode that only you know. You can also turn on Restricted Mode here and set Sleep reminders or downtime. The passcode matters because without it the limit is just a suggestion your child can switch off. Pick a number you both agree feels fair so it sticks.

4. Turn on Restricted Mode

Still in Screen Time, open Restricted Mode and turn it on, then confirm with the passcode. Restricted Mode limits content that may not be suitable for all audiences. It is not perfect and it will not catch everything, but it filters out a lot of mature material from the feed and search. Locking it behind the passcode stops it being turned off later.

5. Control who can message, Duet, Stitch and download

Back in Privacy, work down the list of interaction settings one by one. Set Direct messages to No one for young teens (TikTok already blocks direct messages for the youngest accounts). Set Duet and Stitch to No one or Friends so strangers cannot pull your child's video into their own. Set Comments to Friends or No one, and turn off Downloads so others cannot save their videos. Also open Who can see your following and followers list and tighten that.

6. Limit tagging, mentions and who can see liked videos

In Privacy, find Mentions and tags and set who can mention or tag your child to Friends or No one, so people they do not know cannot drag them into a video or comment thread. Then set Liked videos to Only me. Keeping liked videos private is a small thing that stops others profiling what your child watches.

7. Filter comment keywords

In Privacy > Comments, open Filter keywords (sometimes shown as Filter all comments plus a custom keyword list) and add words you do not want appearing in comments on their videos. You can also turn on Filter spam and offensive comments. This quietly hides nasty replies before your child ever sees them. Add to the list over time as you think of words.

8. Practise blocking and reporting together

Show your child how to block and report, because they will use these far more than any menu. To block someone, open that person's profile, tap the menu lines at the top right, and choose Block. To report a video, comment, account or message, use the same Share/menu icon and choose Report, then pick the reason. Tell them that blocking is private, the other person is not told. For anything illegal or involving a child, report it in the app, and see the Get help page for your country for the right outside service.

9. Check the spending and rewards settings

TikTok lets people buy Coins to send virtual gifts during live videos, and that is real money. Make sure no card is saved to the account or to the phone's app store, and use device-level purchase controls so a password is needed for any payment. Teen accounts cannot buy Coins or send gifts, and many cannot go live at all, but it is worth confirming there is no payment method attached so there are no surprises.

When you are done, scroll the For You feed together for a few minutes. If something unsuitable still shows up, press and hold the video and choose Not interested, which trains the feed away from it. Plan to check these settings again every month or two, since apps update and your child grows.

Snapchat is built around disappearing photos and videos, location sharing on a map, and adding friends quickly, so a few settings make a real difference. Sit down with your child and their phone open. Most of these live under their Profile screen: tap their Bitmoji or profile picture in the top left, then the gear icon in the top right to reach Settings. Snapchat's basic account is for ages 13 and up, and teen accounts already have some stronger defaults, but it is worth checking each one yourself.

1. Confirm the birthday is correct

In Settings, the birthday is set when the account is made and shapes how Snapchat protects the account. Teen accounts (13 to 17) automatically get safer defaults, like not appearing in search or Quick Add to people they do not share friends with, and warnings before they message someone they are not connected to. If the birthday was entered wrong, it cannot be edited freely, so contact Snapchat support to fix it. Getting the age right is what switches on the teen protections.

2. Lock down who can contact and find them

Go to Settings > Who Can... > Contact Me and set it to My Friends. This means strangers cannot send Snaps or chats. While you are there, open See My Location, Send Me Notifications, and See Me in Quick Add. Turn See Me in Quick Add off so Snapchat stops suggesting your child to strangers as a friend to add, which is one of the main ways unknown adults reach teens. Set the others to My Friends as well.

3. Set who can see their Story and content

Still under Settings > Who Can..., tap View My Story and choose My Friends, or use Custom to hide it from specific people. Stories are visible for 24 hours, so this keeps their posts to people they actually know. In the same menu, set See My Location to My Friends or tighter. The goal is that nothing your child posts is public by default.

4. Turn on Ghost Mode so they are hidden on the map

Snapchat has a Snap Map that can show your child's live location to friends whenever the app is open. Open the Map (pinch the camera screen, or tap the map icon), tap the gear/settings icon in the top right of the Map, and turn on Ghost Mode. Choose Until Turned Off so it stays on. This hides their location from everyone else on the map. Note that even in Ghost Mode, location can still be shared with Snapchat itself, so this is about hiding them from other people, not switching off all location.

5. Set up Family Center to supervise

Family Center is Snapchat's built-in parental tool. On your own Snapchat account (you must be 25 or older), go to Settings > Family Center, or open the search bar and type "Family Center," then invite your child. Once they accept, you can see who they have been friends with and messaged in the last 7 days, see new friends and how your child likely knows them, view a daily breakdown of their screen time across chatting, camera, the Map, and content, set content restrictions, and report accounts straight from there. It does not show you the actual messages, so treat it as a shared, honest tool and tell your child you are using it.

6. Limit or switch off My AI

Snapchat includes My AI, a chatbot pinned in the chat list. If you are enrolled in Family Center, you can stop My AI from replying to your child: in Family Center, find the My AI control and turn off its responses. To wipe what it has stored, on the child's phone go to Settings > Privacy Controls > Clear Data > Clear My AI Data and confirm (on some phones this sits under Account Actions). Fully removing the My AI pin needs a paid Snapchat+ subscription, but turning off its replies and clearing its data is free and usually enough.

7. Filter sensitive content

In Family Center you can turn on content restrictions to limit sensitive content in the Stories and Spotlight areas where public posts appear. On the child's own account you can also report anything that seems wrong. Snapchat's filtering is not perfect and what is shown can vary by age and region, so it helps to check in now and then rather than relying on the filter alone.

8. Practice blocking and reporting together

Show your child how to act if someone bothers them. Press and hold any friend's name or open a chat, tap the three dots or their Bitmoji, and choose Manage Friendship, where Block and Report appear. Blocking stops all contact. Reporting flags the account or the specific Snap to Snapchat. For anything illegal or involving a child, report it inside the app, and see the Get help page for your country for further support. Agree together that they can always come to you first, with no trouble.

9. Manage screen time and spending

Snapchat does not have a strong built-in timer, so the most reliable screen-time limits come from your phone's own controls (Screen Time on iPhone, Digital Wellbeing or Family Link on Android), where you can cap daily minutes for Snapchat. For spending, the main paid item is Snapchat+, a subscription, plus occasional in-app purchases. Make sure purchases on the phone require your password or are blocked through your device's family settings, so nothing can be bought without you.

Before you start, the single most important choice on YouTube is which kind of account your child uses. There are three paths, and the safety tools differ for each. For children roughly under 13, YouTube Kids (a separate app) or a supervised account gives you the most control. For teens, a supervised Google Account on the main YouTube app lets you stay linked while they get a fuller experience. Pick the path that matches your child, then follow the steps below. Where a setting only exists on one path, it is flagged.

1. Choose the right account type first

Open the Family Link app (or g.co/familylink in a browser) and either create a Google Account for your child or add supervision to their existing one. For younger children, also consider the dedicated YouTube Kids app instead of regular YouTube, since it is built around a curated, age-filtered library. On the main YouTube app, a supervised account lets you pick one of three content levels during setup: Explore (roughly 9+), Explore More (roughly 13+), or Most of YouTube. This first choice sets the overall ceiling for what they can see, so take a moment over it. You can change the level later in Family Link.

2. Link your account so you can supervise

In the YouTube app on your child's device, tap their profile picture > Settings > (account) > Parental controls or complete the linking prompt that appears for supervised accounts. The goal is to see "Supervised by [your name]" confirmed on their account. Once linked, you manage the big settings from Family Link on your own phone (Controls > Content restrictions > YouTube), and the per-app settings below stay locked to your child. Keep the Family Link app on your own device so you can adjust things without their phone in hand.

3. Turn on Restricted Mode

Restricted Mode hides videos that the system flags as more mature. On the device, tap the profile picture > Settings > General, then turn on Restricted Mode. Do this on every device and browser they use, because the setting is per-device and per-browser, not account-wide. On a supervised account the content level already does most of this work, but switching Restricted Mode on as well is a sensible extra layer. Note it is an automated filter, so it is not perfect; pair it with the conversations you would have anyway.

4. Lock down who can see and interact with their content

If your child uploads videos, decide who can see them. On a video, or under Settings > Your channel, set the visibility of each upload to Private (only people they invite) or Unlisted (only people with the link) rather than Public. For accounts the platform identifies as belonging to a minor, uploads may default to Private automatically, but check each one. In the same area you can manage comments: choose to hold all comments for review or disable comments on their videos so strangers cannot post under them. Younger and supervised accounts often cannot post publicly or comment at all, which is by design.

5. Manage comments, autoplay and what plays next

Even as a viewer, the "up next" stream shapes a lot of the experience. From the profile picture > Settings, turn Autoplay off so videos do not roll endlessly into recommendations you have not seen. To keep recommendations calmer, you can also pause history (next step). If your child has a channel, revisit the comment controls above so replies stay reviewed. The "why" here is simple: autoplay and recommendations are the main way unexpected content reaches a child, so slowing them down matters more than any single block.

6. Control watch history and search history

Recommendations are built from what they watch and search. Go to your child's profile picture > Settings > Manage all history (this opens My Activity), where you can turn off YouTube History (covering both watch and search), set it to auto-delete after 3 months, or clear it. On a supervised account, history controls may be limited or managed through Family Link instead. Turning history off means fewer targeted recommendations, which for many families is the calmer choice.

7. Set screen time and notification limits

Two layers help here. Inside YouTube, the profile picture > Settings > General has Remind me to take a break and Remind me when it's bedtime; set both. For a firmer limit, use Family Link on your own phone (Controls > App limits) to cap daily YouTube time or set a device bedtime that pauses the app entirely. Also in YouTube Settings > Notifications, turn off Recommended videos, Activity on my channel, and similar push alerts so the app is not constantly pulling them back in.

8. Know how to block channels, and how to report

If a particular channel keeps appearing, open that channel, tap the three dots (More), and choose Block user (or Don't recommend channel from a video's menu) to push it out of recommendations. To flag a specific video or comment, use the three dots > Report and pick the reason. For anything that looks illegal, such as content showing the abuse or endangerment of a child, report it through the in-app Report flow, and see the Get help page for your country for the right authorities and support lines. Save those contacts somewhere handy before you ever need them.

9. Check spending exposure

YouTube itself can involve money through YouTube Premium, channel memberships, and Super Thanks / Super Chat tips during live streams. Make sure your child's account has no payment method attached, and in Family Link turn on Purchase approvals so any attempted purchase needs your tap. If you share a family payment method, treat YouTube like any other app and confirm purchase approval is required. This stops a casual tap during a livestream from becoming a real charge.

A last note: features and exact menu names shift over time and can vary by your child's age and region, so if a label here does not match what you see, look for the nearest equivalent under the same Settings menu. Revisit these settings every few months, since updates sometimes reset or add options.

WhatsApp is mostly one to one and group chats, so the main job is controlling who can reach your child, who can see their details, and locking the account down so no one else can take it over. There are no parental supervision dashboards built in, so these settings are the protection. Sit with the app open and work through these together. Most paths below are the same on iPhone and Android, with tiny wording differences noted where they matter.

1. Open Settings and find Privacy

Open WhatsApp, then tap Settings. On iPhone this is the gear icon at the bottom right. On Android it is the three dots at the top right, then Settings. Tap Privacy. Almost everything below lives in this one screen, so this is your home base.

2. Lock down Last Seen, profile photo, and About

Still in Settings > Privacy, set Last Seen & Online, Profile Photo, and About to My Contacts rather than Everyone. For the strongest setting, choose My Contacts Except... and add no one, or pick Nobody for the online status. This means only people already saved in your child's phone can see their photo, when they were last active, and their status line. Strangers who have the number still cannot see any of it.

3. Control who can add them to groups

In Settings > Privacy, tap Groups. Change this from Everyone to My Contacts or My Contacts Except.... This is one of the most important settings, because by default strangers can pull a child into a group chat just by having their number. With this set, only saved contacts can add them, and anyone else has to send an invite the child can decline.

4. Turn on disappearing messages and decide on read receipts

In Settings > Privacy, tap Default Message Timer to switch on Disappearing Messages for new chats. You can pick 24 hours, 7 days, or 90 days, after which new messages vanish automatically. This limits how much personal chat history piles up on the phone. On the same Privacy screen you can also turn Read Receipts off if your child prefers not to broadcast when they have read a message. Note that turning read receipts off also hides them from your child for others.

5. Manage contact, calls, and "who can see" extras

Back in Settings > Privacy, scroll to Calls and turn on Silence Unknown Callers so calls from numbers not in their contacts are silenced and sent to the call list instead of ringing. Also check Status on the Privacy screen and set it to My Contacts so status photos and videos are not visible to strangers. These together mean unknown people cannot ring or watch your child's day to day posts.

6. Turn on Two-Step Verification to protect the account

Go to Settings > Account > Two-Step Verification and tap Turn On. Create a six digit PIN and add an email address for recovery. Write the PIN down somewhere safe at home. This stops anyone who somehow gets the activation code from taking over the account, which is a common way accounts get hijacked. Keep the PIN private from people outside the family.

7. Know how to block and report

To block someone, open the chat, tap the contact's name at the top, scroll down, and tap Block. From that same screen you can choose Report, which sends the recent messages to WhatsApp and can also block the contact. Practise this once together so your child knows exactly where it is. Blocking is silent, so the other person is not told. If your child ever receives content that looks illegal, such as images of child abuse, report it through the app, and see the Get help page for your country.

8. Manage notifications and chat lock for calmer use

Open Settings > Notifications to turn off message previews on the lock screen, so private texts do not show on a locked phone, and to quieten group notifications. WhatsApp has no built in screen time tool, so use your phone's own daily limit feature for the app. For sensitive chats you can also use Chat Lock: open a chat, tap the contact name, and choose Chat Lock to hide it behind the phone's fingerprint or face unlock.

A note on spending and on what varies

There is nothing to buy inside WhatsApp itself, so there is no in app spending to worry about. Some regions have a Payments feature for sending money to contacts, and Channels and Communities exist too, but the core privacy steps above are what matter most. A few options and their exact wording can differ by app version, country, and account age, so if a label looks slightly different, look for the closest match on the same screen. Revisit these settings together every few months, since apps update often.

Discord is built around chat servers, voice calls, and direct messages, so most of the safety work is about controlling who can reach your child and what they can see. The steps below are done inside the app, mostly in User Settings (the gear icon near your child's name, bottom-left on desktop, or your avatar then the gear on mobile). Do them on your child's account together, with the app open.

One thing worth knowing first: if your child registered with an age under 18, Discord automatically treats it as a teen account and turns on extra protections that cannot be switched off, such as blurring sensitive images. So the single most important thing is that their birthday on the account is accurate. If it is wrong, that matters more than any toggle here.

1. Make sure the account age is set correctly

Discord tailors its built-in protections to the age on the account, so this comes first. The birth date is set when the account is created and is hard to change later by design. If your child's account shows an adult age but they are a minor, that is worth fixing through Discord's support before anything else, because the automatic teen safeguards depend on it. You can check the rough age tier by seeing whether sensitive-content and contact protections are locked on (described below); if they are not locked, the account may be registered as an adult.

2. Set up Family Center and link your accounts

Family Center is Discord's official parental supervision tool. Make your own Discord account, then on each account open User Settings > Family Center. Your child taps to generate a time-limited QR code, and you scan it from your account to connect. Once linked, you get an activity overview and a weekly email summary: recent friends added, servers joined, who they have been messaging and calling (names only), call minutes, and any purchases. Discord deliberately does not show you the content of their messages or calls, so treat this as a conversation-starter, not surveillance. The newer Family Center also lets you, with your teen's involvement, manage some of the contact settings below from your own account.

3. Control who can send friend requests

Go to User Settings > Content & Social > Friend Requests. The options are Everyone, Friends of Friends, and Server Members. Turn Everyone off. For a younger child, leaving only Friends of Friends on is the tightest sensible setting, because a stranger then needs a mutual friend to even send a request. Each option is an independent toggle, so you can switch off Server Members too if you want requests to come only through existing friends.

4. Limit who can direct-message your child

Still under User Settings > Content & Social, find Direct Message Spam Filter and choose Filter all direct messages so messages from anyone who is not a friend are quietly moved into a separate Message Requests inbox rather than landing in their main chats. Then look for the Server Privacy Defaults option (also under this section, and adjustable per server in each server's privacy settings). Turn off Allow direct messages from server members so that simply being in the same server does not let an adult or stranger DM your child directly. These two together are the main wall against unsolicited private contact.

5. Set the sensitive content filters

Open User Settings > Content & Social and find the Sensitive Content Filters, which has two parts: the Mature Sexual Media Filter and the Graphic Media Filter. For each, choose Block where it is available, or Blur where Block is not offered. On teen accounts these are already locked to at least blur sensitive images and that cannot be turned off, but you should still confirm anything adjustable is set as strictly as possible. Note that in servers Discord only lets you choose Show or Blur, because full blocking there depends on each server's own settings, so step 6 still matters.

6. Be deliberate about servers and age-gated areas

Servers are the public side of Discord and the main place strangers appear. Sit down with your child and look at which servers they have joined (you can see new ones in Family Center). Some servers, and some channels inside otherwise normal servers, are age-restricted (marked 18+ or NSFW); teen accounts are blocked from these automatically, but it is still worth knowing they exist. Encourage your child not to join servers shared by strangers and to keep their nickname and profile free of personal details like their full name, school, or location, since these are often visible to everyone in a server.

7. Know how to block and report

If someone bothers your child, they do not have to handle it alone. To block, open the person's profile, tap the three-dot menu, and choose Block; a blocked user cannot message them or see when they are online. To report a specific message, hover over it (or long-press on mobile), open the menu, and choose Report, which sends it to Discord's safety team. Show your child both of these now so it feels routine if they ever need it. If you encounter content that may be illegal, such as child sexual abuse material or threats, report it through Discord, and see the Get help page for your country for the right local route as well.

8. Check spending and screen time

Discord can hold real money. Users can buy Nitro (a paid subscription) and server boosts, and some servers sell items, so a saved card or gift balance is a spending route. Avoid storing a payment method on the account, and note that Family Center shows you a purchase summary so you can spot anything unexpected. Discord itself has no built-in daily time limit, so for screen time use your phone or tablet's own controls (the device's Screen Time or Digital Wellbeing app-limit feature) to cap Discord. For calmer evenings, your child can also mute noisy servers and trim alerts under User Settings > Notifications.

A quick recap

The highest-value moves are: confirm the account age is correct, link Family Center, set friend requests to Friends of Friends, turn off DMs from server members, and turn the sensitive content filters up to Block or Blur. Revisit these every few months, as both your child's needs and Discord's menus change over time, and keep the door open so they will actually tell you if something feels wrong.

This gets you from nothing to a solid setup in one evening: a quick honest word with your child, then three layers of protection (your network, the device, the apps), with spending locked down in between.

1. Tell your child first

Before you change a single setting, tell your child you are turning controls on and why. This matters most with older kids: a teen who discovers hidden monitoring feels spied on and goes underground, while one who knows the deal is far more likely to come to you when something goes wrong. Keep it plain and warm: "I am setting up some safety stuff on your devices, the same way I'd put a stair gate up or a seatbelt on. It is not because I don't trust you, it is my job to keep the worst stuff out. Let's do the settings together so you know what they do." With younger children you can simply set them up, but still explain in simple words what the rules are.

2. Layer 1: your network

This layer covers every device on your home WiFi with one switch, so it is the biggest win for the least effort. Log in to your broadband or internet provider's account (the website or their app) and look for a setting called "family filter", "parental controls" or "content controls", and switch it on. Then do the same on each child's mobile data: log in to your mobile network account and turn on the content filter or "content bar" for their SIM, so the filtering still works when they leave the house and drop off WiFi. While you are in the mobile account, set a spend cap or bar premium-rate and purchase charges so a tap cannot run up a bill. Why this layer matters: device and app controls can be sidestepped, but a network filter quietly covers the smart TV, the games console and the visiting friend's tablet too.

3. Layer 2: the device

Now lock the device itself. On an iPhone or iPad, open Settings, then Screen Time, and turn on Content and Privacy Restrictions; from there set age limits for apps and content, switch on Downtime (hours the device locks, for example overnight) and App Limits (a daily cap on categories like games or social). On Android, install Google Family Link on both your phone and theirs, then use it to set app limits, downtime, an approval step for new app downloads, and content filters. The one rule that holds this together: set a parent passcode or PIN that your child does not know and never watches you type, because the strongest limits are useless if they can turn them off. Use a different number from your phone unlock code.

4. Lock down spending

Money is where surprises happen, so handle it on its own. In Screen Time or Family Link turn on purchase approval, called "Ask to Buy" on Apple and "ask for approval" on Google, so every download and in-app purchase pings you to say yes or no first. Then take the open card out of the picture: rather than leaving a credit or debit card linked to a game store, top the account up with a refillable gift card and agree a clear budget. Why this matters: games are built to take small amounts in a way that does not feel like spending, and loot boxes, skins and battle passes add up fast on an account with a card sitting behind it.

5. Layer 3: apps and games

The outer layers cannot see inside individual apps, so finish here. In each social or chat app, set the account to private and limit who can message or contact your child, ideally to people they know offline; many apps also have a built-in supervision or family-pairing tool (for example TikTok Family Pairing) that lets you link your account to theirs and set time and contact limits. On each games console open the maker's family settings, Xbox Family Settings (also in Microsoft Family Safety), PlayStation family management, or Nintendo Switch Parental Controls, and use them to limit voice and text chat with strangers, set playtime, and control purchases. While you are there, have your child show you the report and block buttons inside their main games so they can use them in the moment, not just in theory.

6. Diarise a review

Controls are not "set once and forget". The settings that fit a nine-year-old will frustrate a thirteen-year-old and feel insulting to a fifteen-year-old, and a teen who feels boxed in starts looking for ways around the whole thing. Put a reminder in your phone to revisit it every few months and around each birthday, loosening limits as they earn more freedom and keeping the conversation going rather than quietly tightening the screws. If anything ever does go wrong, report it on the platform first, and see the Get help page for your country for the right service where you live.

This gets you from "we never really talk about their online life" to a child who actually answers, and who comes to you first when something goes wrong. Six small moves, in order.

1. Pick a low-pressure moment

Skip the sit-down "we need to talk," which makes most kids stare at the floor and wait for it to be over. Bring it up sideways instead, while you are both doing something else: in the car, over dinner, on a walk, kicking a ball about, or drawing together. Taking eye contact out of it relaxes both of you, and thirty seconds counts just as much as half an hour. Why this matters: a hundred tiny, weightless moments beat one big serious talk every time, because they teach your child that "online" is a normal thing to mention, not a topic that makes you tense.

2. Ask one open question

Ask something they cannot close with a single word. "What are you playing?" "What do you like about it?" "Have you seen any good videos lately?" all invite an actual answer, where "Is everything okay online?" gets a shrug and a "yeah." If you only remember one line, make it "Show me how this works." It flips the whole thing on its head and lets them lead, which is exactly where you want them.

3. Let them be the expert

Take them up on "show me." Sit beside them and have them teach you the game, the app or the channel for a few minutes, and genuinely follow their lead. This is not just bonding: while they walk you through it you quietly learn who can message them, where the chat happens, and how easy it would be for money or a stranger to slip in. It also turns the whole thing into a conversation rather than an interrogation, so they stay relaxed and keep going.

4. Listen more than you talk

Stay curious about what they like, including the bits that completely baffle you, and resist the urge to jump straight to a rule or a warning. A child who feels judged for what they enjoy online simply stops bringing it to you. So bite your tongue on the lecture, ask "and then what happens?" and let them keep talking. The point of this chat is not to cover a syllabus. It is to stay the easy person to come to.

5. React calmly if they share a worry

This is the moment the whole thing hangs on. If they admit they clicked a bad link, saw something horrible, got tricked or talked to someone they should not have, your reaction in the first few seconds decides whether they ever tell you anything again. Lead with the actual words: "I'm glad you told me, you're not in trouble," and mean it. Keep your voice steady, calmer than you feel, even when you are alarmed inside. A useful stance to hold in your head is EARS: Empower (frame safety as giving them control, not taking it away), Approachable (stay calm), Repeat (come back to hard topics again and again), and Scenarios (rehearse "what would you do if..." before it is real).

6. Leave the device alone

When they open up, do not snatch the phone or tablet, however much your instinct screams to take it away and make it stop. Confiscating the device the moment a child tells you something teaches one brutal lesson: that being honest about a problem gets your lifeline taken away, which trains them to hide the next thing. The device is not the enemy here, the silence is. Deal with the actual problem, keep the device in the conversation, and keep the door open.

A quick note on tailoring it by age. With 6 to 10s, keep it light and let them show you their world ("What game are you playing? Show me a video you liked"). With 11 to 13s, ask about the people and creators they follow ("Who's your favourite YouTuber?" "Has anyone online ever asked you something that felt a bit weird?"). With 14s and up, go for feelings and the bigger picture ("How do you feel after watching this?" "Are people nice to you online?"). And if something more serious surfaces, report it and see the Get help page for your country, which lists the right child-protection service, children's helpline and parents' support line where you live. If a child is in immediate danger, call your local emergency number.

This gets a short, shared set of AI rules written, the privacy and training settings switched off, and the homework and fact-checking habits in place, so your child runs AI like a tool they are in charge of rather than obeying it.

1. Sit down together and write the rules

Pick a calm moment and do this with your child, not at them, in one sitting. Say something like "AI is part of how you work now, so let us agree how we use it rather than me banning it." Talk through where it already shows up for them: homework helpers like ChatGPT, Google Gemini and Microsoft Copilot, image and video generators, and the chatbots built into apps they already have, such as Snapchat's My AI. Rules a child helps set get followed. Rules handed down get gamed, and banning the lot usually just pushes it underground.

2. Set the privacy rule

Make this one a sentence they can repeat: "If you would not tell it to a random stranger, it does not go to the AI." No real name, no age, no school name, no address, nothing that could identify them. The reason it matters: a chatbot does not feel like a stranger, so kids hand over things they would never say out loud, and the company behind the tool keeps what gets typed in. While you are there, switch off the data that feeds the model. In ChatGPT on a phone, tap the menu, then your account name, then Settings, then Data Controls, and turn off "Improve the model for everyone" (on desktop it is under Settings). In Google Gemini, open "Manage Activity" and turn off "Gemini Apps Activity." In Microsoft Copilot, go to Privacy and turn off "Model training on text," "Model training on voice," and "Personalisation and memory." In Snapchat's My AI, turn off location sharing and clear the conversation history.

3. Set the fact-checking rule

Agree that nothing the bot says counts as true until two trusted sources confirm it, or they get a second opinion. Chatbots state confident nonsense in the exact same calm voice they use for real facts, and children tend to believe whatever comes back. Frame it as a shared habit, not a punishment. A good way to build the muscle is to sit beside them and ask out loud: "Does that sound right to you?", "How could we check that is correct?", and "Is there a point of view it is missing?" The aim is for them to start asking "but is that true?" without you in the room.

4. Set the homework rule

AI is allowed to explain a topic, give examples and brainstorm ideas. It is not allowed to do the work and hand it in as theirs. Set a simple test that comes after: have them explain the concept back to you in their own words, and come up with one solution the AI did not suggest. If they cannot explain it without rereading the bot's answer, the learning has not landed and they need to go back over it. Doing the work themselves is how it actually sticks, and passing off AI output as their own usually breaks the school rules too.

5. Cap the time and check the school policy

Treat AI apps like any other app for screen time. On Apple devices use Screen Time, and on Android use Google Family Link or Digital Wellbeing, to set a daily limit on how long the AI apps can run. Then read your child's school policy together, because plenty of schools do not allow AI use at all, and you both want to know the line before an assignment, not after. If your child uses any AI companion app, the kind built to act like a friend or character, check it together too: open the account settings and confirm the date of birth, because an account set to over-18 quietly sidesteps the protections meant for younger users.

6. Write it up and stick it where the devices live

Turn what you agreed into a quick OK / not-OK chart and put it up where the screens actually get used, the kitchen, the desk, wherever. Two columns: OK might read "ask it to explain, compare two answers, use it for examples," and not-OK might read "share my name or school, copy the answer, believe it without checking." A rule on the wall stays a rule. A rule mentioned once is forgotten by the weekend. Revisit it as they get older and the tools change.

If something has gone wrong, for example an AI was used to make a fake or explicit image of your child, report it on the platform, use Take It Down (takeitdown.ncmec.org) or StopNCII (stopncii.org) to help get an image removed, and see the Get help page for your country for the right support and reporting service where you live.